The Beat Inside The Body

So I’m still not quite speaking to them at present. Up until Sunday, my resolve was definitely wavering and though I hadn’t quite forgiven, I was at least trying to move past it. Only then the general tickets went on sale and it was yet another additional cost and it was very nearly the last straw (except that everything else was already booked so technically it didn’t make a blind bit of difference to anything except my irritation levels and overdraft). I know I wouldn’t actually have skipped tour just because of that & I can’t even blame them really, but… Meh. I was just fed up, I suppose – one thing after another. Still, there was the potential promise of the video and having already seen a heavily edited (& flipped…?) screencap on their site that made my heart skip (I don’t think it’s possible to look more rock star than that) and a shot Adam posted of himself too, I don’t think I’m quite deluded enough to think I could really skip a tour. The addiction goes far too deep. So I guess there’s little else to say for now. Here’s my addiction – in pieces…

Monday – the initial reaction:

Of course the video popped up just as I was about to leave the office and head to Dagenham, but I couldn’t not watch it. And then I couldn’t quite speak. ‘F*** me…’ was about all I could manage. My heart was going a mile a minute and… Dead. I don’t even know where to start and yes I need to do a breakdown, but argh, I don’t even, can’t even, ARGH! It’s different. Really different. Yet not. It’s brilliant though. Amazing sound. I only died a few times during Justin’s solo. He looks like a f***ing rock G-d in that warehouse (or aircraft hanger or something? whatever it is; big empty space) footage. And his solo? And his face at the end when he’s grinning at Russ? And I was so sure I’d be able to write one of these that wasn’t just Justin Justin Justin. Damn.

It’s so good though. A completely new song, which I wasn’t expecting, but I love it and I need them in my life and all the rest has to be worth that right? Guess I’m talking to them again [or maybe not…?]. At least they gave me that when I know I have tour to look forward to [rather than releasing it whilst continuing to leave me hanging]. Bloody hell I still can’t speak or type or formulate sensible thoughts. And now I have to go see Tom. G-d help me. Actually G-d help Tom…

Intermission:

So then I went to the theatre and I was a mess and I still couldn’t breathe, but then there were the screens and the show and the stage door and I practically forgot all about the video. By the time I left the Adelphi I was so buzzed that I decided to put this on hold until I felt emotionally prepared to deal with it. Besides, I didn’t want to taint my post-Tom(/Made In Dagenham) high. I put it off while I finished the Dagenham blog and then put it off even longer because I was scared of the strength of that initial reaction. They’ve forced me to keep my distance over the last few months and whilst the promise of tour put a hard deadline on how long that could continue, this video is what really marks a change in things. It’s like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and if/when I jump, for a little while it’ll feel like I’m flying, but at some point I’m still going to hit the jagged rocks at the bottom and I haven’t yet forgotten how much that hurt last time. In fact, my current bitterness is proof that I’m still nursing some of those wounds. Still, I suppose it’s just about possible that a fluffy haired hero with a bowler-hatted sidekick in a Ford Cortina MkII might just save me at the last moment…

Wednesday/Thursday (it’s a time consuming process) – the return:

So with my personal hero in mind like some sort of security blanket, I finally managed to hit play again and… my heart still raced, my breathing still caught and there were still tingles aplenty, but it wasn’t quite as intense. I jumped, but for now I’m just gliding on the breeze and trying not to look down.

And I really do love the song. It’s got a different edge to it, but it’s somehow still classic Carnival. I think it helps that Russ has such a distinctive voice, but it’s more than that. The sound has evolved, but it hasn’t fundamentally changed. It’s catchy and upbeat, with an awesome hook. I can tell it will be a great one to hear live and… I’ll get to the solo later… As for the video. It’s simple, but effective – mostly featuring footage of the band from a couple of different sessions, presumably shot some time apart (although admittedly I’m basing that theory purely on Justin’s hair & it could just be styling, but hey) with some additional clips of a woman (I believe her name is Leah Debrincat) dancing & swinging a fancy looking sword around. I could leave it there, but where’s the fun in that, eh?

The website background – flipped the right way around

Before I get to the ridiculous bit, however, I want to go into a bit more detail on the song itself – I wouldn’t like anyone to think I’m really so shallow that all I care about are rock faces, what jackets they’re wearing and close ups of Justin’s hands. Still, I’m only human and a very fangirly human at that. The video was a distraction, even after watching it a dozen times, so I made myself listen to it without the footage to confuse my feelings and weirdly I like it… more? I don’t even know how that works. I love watching them play more than anything and the video is mostly just that. Perhaps it really is just an appreciation thing – I can focus more on the music without the visual imagery? To be fair, those jackets really are very distracting :P. So, as I said earlier, Russ has a very distinctive voice and that’s a big part of the TLC ‘sound’ all on its own. I think he’s sounding better than ever on this track. I haven’t quite caught all the lyrics, but the vocals are strong on this one and I particularly love the chorus. It’s wickedly catchy and I really like the keyboard on it too. The instrumental after the guitar solo (which, naturally, I love melodically just as much as I do visually) will be awesome live with an audience clap clap-clap clapping along (although it will presumably cause extra problems for the rhythmically challenged…). It has a similar vibe to Get Crazy (I still don’t actually know the official title of that one) or Drop The Needle On The Vinyl, or at least it feels that way to me. It’s admittedly fairly hard to judge given I’m comparing songs I’ve only ever heard live to a track I’ve only heard the studio recording of, but still. It’s a powerful rock ‘n’ roll number and I cannot wait to see it on stage.

And now for the frivolity… We begin with dancey lady, but at 0:04 we’re already on the band. Or rather, we’re on Justin’s hands. Seriously. 4 seconds in. First shot of anything band related. HANDS. There’s a flash of Russ and Mike too, more dancey (she’s cool, the footage is fantastic – it’s very prettily lit and it flows nicely through the video, but funnily enough, she’s not really what catches my attention, so don’t expect me to mention her again!) and then the video starts in earnest at around 0:09 with the first lyric and a proper shot of Russ in a very snazzy looking jacket. There’s still plenty of flitting between footage and angles, including a decent shot of Mike’s hands, but it’s 0:18 that chokes me. It’s a wider shot of the band, though Mike doesn’t quite make the frame (he has just had a hands shot and he gets a solo moment soon after, though, so I’m sure he doesn’t feel too hard done by), in the massive empty space and Justin looks… um… *clears throat*. He’s wearing the red velvet Noose & Monkey jacket and shades, with his hair slicked back and even though he’s not even playing (he’s just sort of bopping, it’s almost cute) he looks more like a classic rock star than ever. Unreal, somehow. He looks amazing, but untouchable. I think it’s the hair. And the shades (I mean, really – he’s inside!).

The band

The band feat. camp Justin

Moving on before I pass out, we get some fairly good hands shots between Mike & Russ, before 0:34 when we finally get a nice wide shot of them all. I like seeing them in such a large space; it brings stadiums to mind and one day I truly hope I’ll get to see them do that for real. Anyhoo, it continues on in much the same vein for a while (we’ll gloss over Justin’s rock scream in time with the wailing guitar at 0:40 *fidgets*), before the black and white footage from the exclusive little party (or whatever it was) begins to take more of a dominant role. Justin (or rather his hair) looks exactly as he did on tour in the summer and therefore a little less inaccessible (appearances can be deceiving, hey?). For one, when he headbangs at 0:42, his hair actually moves… Although there’s too much jumping around to worry about the Strand Of Torment, so that’s a relief? Maybe? I kinda like it… Anyway, we get a fleeting close up of Adam just before that and then at 0:46 we get some Kieran. It’s the first decent shot of him and his hair is looking pretty epic in all it’s curly voluminous glory. The white shirt and braces combo is pretty dapper too ;). At 0:50 we get another nice wide shot of the whole band *mutters something about Justin’s rock star pose* and then a couple of seconds later, we get another snazzy jacket shot – this time in the form of Kieran’s black and red leather number. (There’s a better shot at 3:18 in which he looks like a little biker – so cute :P)

Cute Kieran

Biker boy

1:00. HANDS. *ahem*. Then a decent length shot of Russ singing (I feel he’s been a bit under-represented in this post so far, sorry Russ) followed by HANDS at 1:05 and MORE HANDS at 1:06 with an upward sweep & a pouty open mouth shot that I shouldn’t mention but seem to have done anyway… There might have been a bit of swooning going on… 1:12 is more of the same footage and more bopping. Why is the bopping cute? He always bops. Yet; cute. (I think I may have lost control of this paragraph…)

So *coughs*. Nice shot of Adam’s, er, knees at 1:13 with a blurry Tony the Tiger in the background – all black and white, very arty. Speaking of which, he hasn’t had a lot of screen time so far. And having said that, 3 seconds later we get some serious drum face from a very dapper looking Adam. The waistcoat suits him. 1:19, Mike doing backing vocals on ‘sensation’ (I love that lyric) and looking very, er, sensuous. That shot is definitely ones for the Marchant fans and beautifully illustrates why he was my favourite for 30 seconds when I first saw them before the ballerina on the left at 1:20 stole my attention and refused to relinquish it.

Sensations…

HANDS again at 1:25, made even more distinctive by the vibrant colours of the burgundy blazer and golden Gibson in amongst the black and white (or almost black and white) band shots. A nice Mike (I think) forearm shot (no I don’t know why that caught my attention), another Justin ‘raargh’ face at the party, with a little skip(?!) in the warehouse, then Kieran at 1:32 and he looks so cute! D’aww. I just want to ruffle his hair and squidge him! Although if I were actually there I’d probably ruffle his hair and ping one of his braces instead. I’m just nice like that :P. Adam makes another brief drum face cameo at 1:35, still dapper in waistcoat and tie, but this time in an all black ensemble rather than the contrast white shirt of the warehouse footage. 1:40, colours, HANDS, belt…?, *coughs*. Ignore that. 1:46, Adam again, looking even more suave sans drum face. It’s a nice shot. And that’s about all I can manage before melting into a puddle…

HANDS

Dapper Ads

Rock screams & snazzy jacket

1:47. Guitar solo. And it starts with HANDS. There’s also drums and bass (and before that, very fleetingly and slightly out of focus, cute fluffy Kieran), but from 1:51 we actually get to watch Justin play (on and off). And he rock screams. And pouts. And plays a frickin’ solo. I do, however, like the shot of Russ singing before the instrumental ‘ooh’ bit, followed by the nice bright light at the end of the tunnel effect thing. Russ looks awesome, as does Adam a few seconds later. I also love Russ’s face at 2:14. I can almost hear him riling the crowd, it’s just so Russ!

Model shoot

Falling for you

2:23 looks like a modelling shoot. Or Justin looks like he’s modelling anyway – definitely too cool for school. He makes up for it by appearing to be on the verge of losing his balance and falling into the crowd in the party shot immediately after though. And while I’m on the subject – I like the contrast between the two sets of footage – the huge empty space, versus the small cramped and crowded room. In the latter it’s fairly obvious that the band are set up in a tight circle in the centre, but with all the close up shots, we don’t see that too clearly. One of the few wider shots is at 2:33 with a ‘through the crowd’ clip of Russ & Justin that I rather like.

Party people

HANDS HANDS HANDS

Stars in your eyes

As is my usual style with these blogs, I get very slightly less detailed as the video progresses and believe it or not I haven’t actually flagged up ever single second of HANDS (although I’ve probably caught most of them). Still, 2:40 is a particularly good one…! Anyways, the video is beginning to wind down by this point and therefore so is this post. I love Russ’s face at 2:48, he looks all happy and his eyes are all glowy :). At 2:53 Justin has his personal light in the tunnel moment, only he does it half upside down (feat. his limbo move) and I’m not sure what to make of it really. Although that’s mostly because I happened to hit pause right in the middle of it and the silhouette made me laugh for thoroughly inappropriate reasons relating to the positioning of his instrument… I’m not even sorry. I’ll make up for it with a more constructive comment about 3:15 when Russ and Jus get the tunnel light treatment together. It looks absolutely amazing and I love the camera work; the way it sweeps round them. It’s also timed well with the music – a very nice piece of editing.

Lights…

Camera…

Action…

And finally. It killed me the first time I watched it and it still does now. Justin’s smiley pouty face when he’s looking at Russ at 3:21. In fact, it caught my attention so thoroughly that I tried to screencap it, only it didn’t really work as a still. What I managed to do instead was to rediscover the Strand of Torment. Sigh!

The Strand Of Torment

So… feel the love, eh? I may have been keeping my distance of late, but (as I think should be fairly obvious by now) it doesn’t mean I don’t still care. I need time and space, but I’ll get there. Hopefully with a slightly less mental outlook (although I’m promising nothing). And I am getting there. After all, I did favourite one of Kieran’s tweets the other day…! (A keyboard warrior of a different kind. More of a keyboard worrier, if you will.) It made me laugh and if there’s one of them I’m definitely not mad at, it’s him, so… baby steps. In fact, when I first started this exercise I thought it was doomed to failure, but actually it’s done a fairly good job of reminding me what matters. I’m not sure I can ever truly go back to how things were before – those rocks are still down there waiting for me and the fear of them clips my wings a little, but I can continue to glide and hope for the best. And at least this time I have access to my fluffy little unwitting hero if ever I need a reprieve*.

So I was going to leave it there, only they just announced another gig… Literally. Just announced it. Five minutes after I finished the first draft, the announcement popped up and I didn’t even see it through them initially. Love|Less are the main support and I actually saw their post first. It took me a second to realise that they weren’t just playing one of the tour dates. Admittedly it’s the Haywards Heath show that Adam mentioned to me back in the summer that I was beginning to think had either been called off or had simply been a very well kept secret and therefore I had already missed it, but I can’t pretend my immediate reaction wasn’t simply a resounding FFS. At least I’m free and I just need to book a couple of trains after work. I suppose I just feel like enough of a mental case without adding another gig to the list. Still, I can feel as pathetic as I like, it ain’t gonna change anything. I’d never have skipped it, not when it’s the first night and about as convenient as it can get without being in London. And besides, I’m going to Angel At My Table to see Love|Less, I’m hardly going to miss them supporting a band I actually follow…!

So. Baby steps, right?

Peace, loVe loVe and gliding,
K xx

* I always think that he’ll never know that he’s my hero – or at least he’ll never understand how much he’s truly helped me just by being around (partly because I’m not even sure I really get it myself…), but given my extended metaphor in this post, the lyrics that always come to mind when I think of him like that seem even more appropriate than usual… ‘Did you ever know that you’re my hero?‘ has always fit, but now I can add ‘You are the wind beneath my wings‘…!